To move a mountain, or a continent for that matter.

A hot topic in the news as of late has been the whole Wikileaks website. I'm pretty well respected in the political arena and have been allowed to view classified documents on several different occasions. I wanted to beat Mr. Assange to the punch on this one. 

The United Nations is currently meeting in Cancun for a so called "Climate Conference." But what they're really talking about is the possibility of reuniting the former super-continent known as Pangea. IBTTYHTRP. I'm bout to tell you how to reunite Pangea.

Basically, a continent is a raft. A big huge raft. How do you move a raft? With wooden ores. How will we move a continent? A lot of those wooden ores. Starting with Australia, the inhabitants therein will be asked to craft their own paddles and then proceed to the coast where they will walk to approximately waist deep waters and then they will start to paddle in synchronicity. Based on the physics I just did in my head, which are these-the weight of the people on Australia will be lightened by half through their presence in the  water, therefore the mass of the continent with all its inhabitants on land subtracted from the mass with the inhabitants half in water and half on land is equal to 400 giga joules. The amount of Energy produced by Australians population is approximately 750 giga joules. That's greater than 400 giga joules. 

Australia will lead the way as it proceeds eastward toward America. Followed by the five other continents.

America will not be moving, rather, the other continents will come to us. Not because Americans are lazy because everybody knows that is just propaganda. It's because America is the strongest continent and has never moved anywhere. As a wise-man once said, "I will build my house upon the rock...of America." The great creator was also a wise-man, he built his home on the rock of America. All others will come to us.

Final step of the voyage is number-one-most-tricky-step. Connecting the continents. The "REUNION," as it's being referred to in the scientific community. The only possible way to connect them is...safety pins. America has been producing a surplus of safety pins for the past two decades in preparation for this glorious day. (See how long it can take to disseminate legitimate information?) So teams of scuba divers will descend to the depths of the sea and safety pin the continents together while the people of the world unite in a game of tug-o-war, if you will, to keep the continents snug together. 

It's about time I Bretleaked this info to yo aces. Can I end with a poem? No? My blog, IWWAPIIW. I will write a poem if I want. I want.

Dinosaurs were here

I'll never forget

Nor should you

They lived in harmony as one human race

On one giant continent with one equal face

They've never been to space

Someday they will go there, vicariously

Through you, through me

If we reunite Pangee

Pangea.